One of the greatest misconceptions for new (and sometimes old) Christians today is the misconception that once you get saved, regularly spending time in prayer and studying the Word is as natural as scratching an itch.

When I came back into the Church as an adult, ready to really and truly serve God, I was led to a charismatic, Word church. This was quite different from the stoic environment I remembered in the church of my youth. Everyone in my new church always looked and talked like they were so spiritual, so happy, so in love with God, and even though no one said as much, I assumed that most of them were gleefully spending perhaps hours each day on their knees in fellowship with the Lord and poring over the Bible. I knew that I needed to spend more time with God too, yet each time I tried to follow through on a commitment to Him, I ended it miserably in failure. Either I got sidetracked or else I lost enthusiasm, or both. Hearing the Word preached never ceased to thrill me, and I found my thoughts on God continually, but when it came to developing a personal fellowship with God at home, there always seemed to be so many other things I allowed to crowd out my time with Him. Furthermore, there seemed to be an emotional barrier to my succeeding. I had an immense desire to pursue a Christian lifestyle, but I seemed to have an insurmountable lack of passion for one-on-one fellowship with my Lord whom I professed to love. Secretly, I began to suspect there was something dreadfully wrong with me. "Do I not love God?" I wondered.

Part of the problem is Western culture's insistence that love is merely a feeling. If that is true, then in the absence of the feeling of love, there is no love. However, if real love is more than a feeling, then it is possible to love even when emotional love is flagging.

According to the Bible, which is my source of answers to every question, real love IS more than a feeling. In fact, real love is a commitment, particularly that which is expressed by acts of selflessness and obedience (see John 14: 15, 23, 24, and 31; also John 15:13). Love is not just felt, it is also learned (see Titus 2:4). Real love is continually practiced whether there are feelings there to back it up or not. By this definition I most definitely did love God, for I was faithful in my church attendance, faithful in my attempts to live according to the light of God's Word, and faithful to pursue a prayer life and study plan (even though I kept failing in terms of consistency) regardless of what was going on in my life or how I was feeling. I knew I needed God, I knew I needed to hear the Word preached in church, so I developed a nothing-is-going-to-stop-me mentality.

Eventually, in my frustration, I began crying out to God, "Please help me to love You, God! I don't love You like I should. Help me to pray and to read Your Word. My flesh doesn't want to do it, but I know that my spirit man does....I don't know what to do or how to change. Oh please, God, help me!" I ended up praying that prayer for about two years. Long time, two years is.

Finally the yoke broke and I found it suddenly and increasingly easier to follow through on my commitment to spend time in prayer and study. Not that I don't often have to nudge myself or even begin again after a few days or a week of being a spiritual "flake." Some days, my time with God is fun and emotionally gratifying, other days it is "dry." But I've learned that being with God is what causes me to grow spiritually, and it's not indicated by whether or not I feel like something spiritually meaningful has taken place. In fact, probably the most spiritually significant times are when I meet with God when I feel I'd rather not.

In a two year period, I must have started and stopped plans to spend time with God a thousand times, but the key is I never gave up. I really, really wanted to want to, and I was diligent in seeking God's help and His strength. I wasn't afraid to pray "silly" prayers about the basics of my faith when I struggled with them. If you are having trouble spending time with God on a daily basis and are feeling guilty about it, get a new attitude and a new hope today. I eventually found out that most Christians have struggled with prayer and study at some point in their walk with God, and usually more than once, it just doesn't get talked about very much. You are not alone.

Remember, as a Christian you are bi-natured. That means you have an "old man" to contend with, who doesn't in the least want to be disciplined in anything, especially in spiritual matters, and you have a "new man" that thrives on "food" from the Holy Spirit and fellowship with Him. Do like I did and discuss with God your struggle and ask for His help (In spite of what you might be tempted to think, God is not mad at you.). Make a quality decision to pursue a daily communion with your Heavenly Father, no matter how many times you screw up and have to begin again. Develop a nothing-will-stop-me mentality. I guarantee this strategy will not fail you, and you will reap the fruit of your labor.

G.S.

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